What’s Missing

I now understand what I miss about having a mother. It’s that special connection you feel just cause she’s your mother. I spent some time with wife’s mother at a recent family event. She is always very sweet to me. And it just suddenly struck me about the quality of her interaction with me. Something I haven’t felt since my mother died. Made me very sad.

My mother’s been gone almost 4 years. We had a complicated relationship. We didn’t work things out until my 40’s. I finally received the love I always needed when she was on her death bed. Her personality had gone, but her spirit still remained. It was during her last week. When she said she loved me I really felt it for the first time. It was so pure. Went right to my heart. Such a gift.

And I felt very complete and finished after that. So it was very surprising to me to have this experience with my wife’s mother and realize that has been missing from my life. Another loss to grieve. She is in her early 80’s. I asked her if you ever get over loss or used to it. She said no. You carry your losses with you. You simply learn to live with them. Guess I am in the learning phase.



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