I was away for the weekend and the evening’s entertainment was a medium, a person who talks to the departed. This woman was the real thing. She didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t ask any questions of anyone in the audience. She simply started talking and people would raise their hands when it sounded like Uncle Ralph or Grandma Shirley. We were told to only say yes, no or maybe in response to whatever she said. Not to give any further info. I was the second to last person of the evening to get attention. I was beginning to think no one would show up. But she perfectly described my parents. Even said my recently deceased brother was with my mother, which made sense since they are two peas in a pod.
The message my parents, especially my mother, wanted me to get was how sorry they were for how I was treated and raised. My mother said she had no clue how to raise children. She desperately asked for my forgiveness. I thought I had done this on her death bed. I had experienced her spirit there. Her personality had already left. I told her I loved her and said she loved me back, and for the first time in my life I really felt it. It was very healing for me.
But here is her spirit, after the fact, asking for my forgiveness. Now I always thought once you die, your spirit is what remains, your spirit without your personality. The pure spirit of light. So, how was it that this medium was describing my parents as they were before death? Very confusing. And, to be honest, it made me angry. Forgiveness is not my strongest ability. I tend to carry a grudge. I tend to be rather untrusting. My initial reaction is, sure, forgive you. Help you to feel better. Help you to be at peace. But what about me? How does my forgiving you erase a lifetime of pain, disappointment, and disillusionment at her hands?
And I know the right answer is, in forgiving her, I can finally let go of the lifetime of pain so the rest of my life stands a chance. Easier said then done. But that’s why they invented therapy.